whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
