omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
