Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
