my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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