His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
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Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
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I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize