Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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