i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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