I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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