You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
