And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
