I'm going to jail i love you
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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