Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
