You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
