Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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