We won't sleep together?
You're completely useless in the revolution.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
