I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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