That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
