He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
