Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
