I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
the liver wants what the liver wants
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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