A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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