And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
