he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
