I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
