I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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