Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
