My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So vagazzling was a success
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