The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
