where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
