are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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