Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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