Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
did i just pee glitter
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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