it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
