What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
