Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
