Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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