is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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