when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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