I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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