I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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