we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
