I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
