Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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