when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
