Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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