I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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