that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
