I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
