She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
