I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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