I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize