I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bag of teeth...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize