she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
