No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
not ubering you a puppy
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
