Ambien. No doubt about it.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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