you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
