Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
