If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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