I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
