No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
