I accidentally had phone sex last night
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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