I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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