I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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