My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
don't judge my taste in strippers
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
