Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
