dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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