a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
