Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
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U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth