On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
this will be a night to untag.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me